American Fag
by HeisenbergofHermes
Summary: Steve and Snot want to graduate from being semi-virgins, but first they need to practice their d*ck game so they can attract hot chicks! They come to one logical solution. Steve/Snot Slash JOKE FIC: YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!


It was only a matter of time before Snot and Steve's relationship became something more than friendship. It was true that they were fine with the way things were before, but just imagining how much more it could be thrilled them endlessly.

There was something bothering the two young teens ever since that health class lecture last week. Both Steve and Snot had come to the conclusion that they were just getting too old to still be virgins. They may not have been 100% virgins, but they were still semi-virgins dammit! At just the ripe age of 14, something had to be done!

It was Snot that initially came up with the idea that the two come up with 50 dollars so they could rent a cheap hooker. Steve quickly dismissed the idea. He wanted to have his first time to be with a hot chick! All the hookers in this town were either chronic heroin addicts, or over 50 and be infected with hepatitis. No, they needed a better plan.

It was Snot again that suggested they do each others moms. He figured the woman were getting old, but were still hot. They could manipulate them into believing they're just old cows with no more sex appeal, and them reel them in with the comforts of a young highschool boy. Steve shunned the idea again declaring that it wasn't a fair trade. Yeah, HIS mom was hot, but Snots mom was… Snots mom.

The boys were back to square one.

Then, it hit them. The reason they couldn't make it with any chicks their age in the first place was because on the few chances they'd be alone with a girl, she'd leave before they could get anywhere. This was because the two usually had no idea what they were doing. They'd make some awkward advance, and the girl would laugh at their feeble attempts at spurring arousal. But that wasn't the only reason. Steve and Snot didn't like to admit it but they were minutemen. They could not last beyond making out. But they had their erratic hormones to blame for this. They figured there had to be a way to work around this dilemma. How could they master their endurance skills, all the while upping their dick game? Steve was the one who thought of the genius resolution first.

"Snot! I got it! I finally got it!" Steve stood from his bed excitedly. Snot stood as well.

"Well lay it on me"

"Okay. This is going to sound totally far fetched, but bare with me." Steve began to deeply inhale. "What if we… "

"Yeah?"

"practice-"

"Yeah! Yeah!"

"Having sex with each other." Steve ended frankly.

Snot eased back from his previous enthusiasm and stared at Steve blankly, who was grinning with his arms to his hips.

There was a moment of silence as Snot contemplated Steves proposal.

"You know, that just might work." Snot confessed promptly.

"Right!" Steve yelped excitedly moving his arms out.

"I mean, you gotta admit, it makes total sense. We could probably last for HOURS

if we were just doing it with each other."

"Yeah, and no chicks in school will have to learn about our embarrassing failures!"

"Steve you're a f*cking genius!"

The two boys cheered as they hugged each other vigorously, excited for their plans ahead.

"So when do we start?" Snot exclaimed happily.

"I'm not doing anything now." Steve said flirtatiously.

The two smiled at each other as they gazed into each others eyes intimately. With their prepubescent bodies clung closely, they suddenly began making out and exchanging saliva in a matter of seconds.

As if roped in by the heat of passion the two were now fully enveloped by each others unskilled tongues, tasting all there was to taste. Suddenly however, Snot pulled away from Steve who meagerly protested at the retreat.

"Wait. How will making out make us better in the sack?" Snot stated flatly. Steve just stared back at his friend with an amused cocky grin.

"Oh Snot. Poor Snot." Steve laughed as he shook his head lightheartedly. "We can't even last past making out, remember?"

Snot stood dumbfounded for a few seconds forgetting about this harsh fact.

"Oh yeah. I guess you're right."

"Dumbass." Steve laughed teasingly.

"Well, there's something we have to settle first before we go any further." Snot began as he took a step backward toward Steve's bed.

" I know what's crossing both of our minds." Steve said as he glided himself in Snot's direction.

As Snot stood at the beds side, Steve stood idly before him. There was yet again, a moment of silence. A type of silence that implicated contemplation. Then as if on cue, both boys blurted out their inverted curiosities.

"WHO'S GONNA BE THE CHICK!?"

The look of borderline hysteria hit the boys with equal measure, both equally concerned over this "small" detail. There was an unknown essence swirling around in the air. I mean, they both knew it had to be done, but who had to be done in.

"Okay, so let's get this straight. We BOTH need to improve our stamina with the ladies, right?" Snot explained as he sat on the edge of Steves bed.

"Right?"

"So the only logical way to get around this dilemma would be to…!"

Steve stood momentarily confused, then with Snots overly animated antics of support the obvious suggestion hit him.

"We… both have to be the chick?" Steve ended undisputedly. "W-We both have to be the chick!"

"Yeah! That way we can both practice! Even get some better practice in as the girl."

"Oh god. You're right!" Steve yelled excitedly, with his arms up in the air. He closed in on Snot and hugged him, knowing fully well that it would lead to more.

Again the two friends began to kiss. Steve leaned himself over Snot. His legs were pressed snuggly against the other boys thighs. Their sloppy frenching made its way to the beds center.

Steve pinned Snots arms to the bedframe as he swirled his tongue into his welcoming mouth. Snot opened his legs and pressed them against Steves back. Steve released his friends arms so he could rub his hands under the layers of Snots clothes, and Snot cupped the sides of Steve's face in return.

Their meager foreplay went on for many more minutes. The reason being because the two boys were afraid to go beyond this point. Or maybe they just loved to make out. Either way, things were getting steamy.

Just when it felt like things would go on like this forever, Steve suddenly retreated from Snots embrace, pulling off his red overshirt. Snot smiled and began to follow suit. Soon the two were almost completely nude, except of course for Snots Spiderman boxers and Steve's Harry Potter briefs.

"So. You ready for my big V?" Steve hummed erotically.

"V? Isn't it supposed to be D?"

"Nah. I realized a long time ago that my thing looks just like the Dark Lord Voldemort. Check it out."

Steve pulled down his briefs exposing his mighty "V". Snot leaned between the other boys legs to get a better look so he could verify his friends farout accusation, and he was surprised to find that Steve wasn't lying! The thing that hung between his legs looked just like the master of the dark arts!

Strangely enough, the sight turned on Snot like no lesbian horse porn ever could. Without realizing it Snot licked his lips and opened his mouth, taking Steves nearly limp dick into it. Steve yelped at the foreign contact and fell harshly onto his backside. Snot moved into a more comfortable position between Steves legs and began to squeeze Steves cock around his throat tubes. This act caused Steve to suppress a whine. He began to tangle his hands through Snots messy head of hair causing him to jart his eyes his way in warning. Snot nearly choked but didn't give a damn, he was doing this for science.

Just as it felt like Steve was going to end this little experiment by coming into Snots gaping mouth, there was a sudden halt from Snot. Steve looked up with tears in his eyes.

"W-W-W-Why di-did you stooooaaaaahp?" Steve cried exaggeratedly. Snot just smile and leaned himself in between Steves opened legs. Steve's eyes widened upon realizing the hard thing that brushed against his inner thigh. His eyes continually averted between Snots lightsaber, and Snot himself.

"Uh...what are you doing?"

"What does it look like? I'm gonna screw you."

Steve leaned away from Snot, folding his hands over his private parts in the process.

"Wait, why the hell do I have to go first?"

"C'mon Steve, lets be real. We all know you're the catcher in the relationship." Snot said as-a-matter of factly.

"Oh c'mon! I-I have my redeeming moments…" At this Snot began to laugh.

"Okaaay. If you consider crying because your hamster died redeeming."

"HEY! Señor fuzzy was my best friend during all of 5th grade!

"Whatever you say." Snot ended detachedly. Steve just crossed his arms and glared at his condescending compadre.

"I don't like your f*cking tone." Steve said suspectedly quiet. Snots eyes remained the same but his cocky grin withered.

"Well I don't like your flat ass!" Snot fired back as he turned away from Steve, who was by now gaping in shock.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" Steve yelled out, his voice sounding somewhat hurt. Snot just ignored him and refused to make eye contact. Steve was now shaking in anger. Snot just looked at his angered friend with his arms crossed and said nothing.

All of a sudden the tension in the room was disrupted when the two pounced onto each other once again. For some reason having that small fight caused the twos hormone levels to rise exponentially. It just made them horny all over again being yelled at and insulted.

Forgetting about their prior little escapade, Snot was now the one on the receiving end. Steves lips were laid hushed between Snots open legs. Steve swiped his tongue over Snots hairy asshole a few times, then moved onto sucking it gingerly. This caused Snot to throw his head back, nearly hitting it against the headboard. It took everything in him not to curse out Steves name. All he could do was push himself against Steves welcoming mouth.

"O-Oh… Steve~" Snot moaned out defenselessly. Steve just leaned up with his reddened lips and had a look of victory on his face.

"Yeah. You like that? You f*cking like that?" Steve said hungrily as he slapped Snots ass.

Snot just jolted in return.

"You like how daddy makes you feel?" He returned another slap harsher than the previous one to the cherry ass. This intensity was so much Snot nearly cried out. "Yeah, I'll bet you do."

"St-Steve!? What the hell are we doing?" Snot asked genuinely curious. Steve just leaned his weight behind Snots back, hushing his parted lips with his finger.

"Shh shh shh, just let this happen." Steve whispered hotly into Snots ear, causing his dick to throb. Soon Snots wet ass was being pried into. He yelled out in pain but never opposed the unnatural entry. He just continued telling himself, _I'm going to be invincible in bed once I master this!_ At least those were his initial thoughts…

It wasn't very surprising but Steve wasn't too good at pleasuring another person's anus. He had no rhythm, or coordination whatsoever, and absolutely no technique. It was almost like he only cared about his own pleasu-"

"H-Hey! Uh, Steve?"

"I said shhh!" Steve huffed out. Snot's body began to tense up under Steves uneven slaps against his behind.

Worried now, thinking he was being used for his body, suddenly Steve took hold of Snots dick. _Wow, he actually DOES care_ thought Snot as he smiled. Steve's eyes widened realizing he grabbed Snots dick, instead of the universal remote.

"Oh, sorry Snot. I was just looking for the remote." Snot just pressed his face frustratedly into the pillow trying to ignore what was happening so he could focus on not wanting to rape Steve. Steve just found the remote to the right of his bed stand and turned on the radio to play the Pokemon theme song. This song made him wet to catch some ass.

This went on for 6 more minutes, (which was a record for Steve!). But all of a sudden, Steves thrusts became much more desperate and sloppy. His body tensed up as he whipped his dick in and out of Snot with vigorous force. A force so hard, Snot couldn't help but react to it.

"S-Snot, I don't think I can hold on anymo- AHHHhhhhHhhh!"

"S-STEEEEEEVEAAAAUUHHHH!"

Steve quickened his pace and rode out his orgasm to such a limit that his hips were sore. Snot bucked his hips and burst his seed all over the bedsheets below him. Suddenly his body weighed a ton and his legs gave out as he collapsed onto his stomach. Soon Steve was laying on top of him breathing raggedly. The two just basked in the quiet afterglow.

"So, is it my turn to top you?" Snot panted out optimistically. Steves breaths were still ragged but he managed a deepened laugh.

"A-Are you f*cking crazy?"

Snots face turned blank.

"What?"

Now Steve leaned out of Snot and was laughing almost hysterically. Snot looked at him confused.

"YOU IDIOT!" Steve laughed wiping tears from his eyes. " I'M NOT F*CKING DOING THAT!" The expression on Snots face had Steve doubled over.

"But, what about the plan?"

"Man, screw the plan! It went to sh*t when you brought up my hamster." Steve ended with an almost serious tone.

Snot just glared at Steve, who continued to bask in his trickery.

"Well, I guess you're really missing out then." Snot said in a scarily normal tone. Steve raised his head in curiosity.

"And what does that mean?" Steve replied as airy and smug as before.

"Oh, it's nothing really, it's just that the orgasms are f*cking incredible."

Steve looked at Snot gullibly.

…

"How incredible?"

"Oh lets just say a million times better than the ones you get from jacking off to mother/son porn. "

Steve felt skeptical.

"You're f*cking with me, right?"

Snot had a fiendish grin on his face.

"No, I'm completely serious. But there's only one way to find out if I'm telling the truth, but you said no, so…"

"Wait!"

Snot turned around swiftly meeting Steves eyes. "Yes?"

"I… want to…-"

 _Yes. I f*cking won!_

"You to pick up your sh*t when you leave. Steve stated coldly as he pulled up his underwear. Snots eyes widened momentarily, but then he just went over to go pick up his clothes irritably, whispering obscenities under his breath.

Steve felt a little bad that he bamboozled his best friend, so walked over to him placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Oh Snot, don't be mad. I'll tell you what, let's say next time we go to a Megadeth concert, you do me in front of the entire crowd? Snot peeked up his head gleefully.

"You mean it!?"

"No, no I don't "


End file.
